I can barely breathe

Dearest Alex and Avery,

 Today is the last day of sixth and second grade.  In two days, for the first time BOTH of you will get on a bus to Pennsylvania for summer camp and leave me with an empty house for the summer.  Alex, while camp is your easy, happy place, at home you continue to work on finding your place among your school friends.  I'm not sure that you have plans for after school on the last day of school, but I am hoping that you find someone (or even better some group) to spend time with and do not come home to sit around by yourself on the last day of school.  Avery, camp is brand new for you and I wonder how you will fall asleep each night without a chapter from a book, a hug and snuggle from your mama. All of it, all of it has me sitting at home feeling sad and saddened (are those different?) and like I can barely breathe.  I just want happiness and lightness and perfection for you both even as I want to keep you young and tiny and keep you all to myself.

 Love,
Your mom in conflict and sadness and happiness

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