Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Refresh

Dear Kids,

It is almost the end of day four at camp.  I haven't received a letter yet or had a chance to talk to you and I am dying to hear all about your experiences: the good and the bad, the scary and the exciting.

In the meantime, I am a stereotype.  I am desperate to know that you are more than okay, that you are happy so I do what all mothers who send their kids to sleep away camp do, I refresh.  I am on the camp website numerous times a day to see are there new photos of you.  Can I catch a glimpse of an arm or a leg - "those are definitely her shoes!" - among a group of kids?  The crown jewel, a photo of you smiling with your arm slung around a buddy's shoulder?  Camp is a gift, but it is not a gift that is for everyone and as it is Avery's first summer going away this year, I refresh.

I try to give it time to be patient.  But it is hard, especially since no one needs to know just how often I am checking, how often I refresh.

I refresh on my phone when I wake up in the morning.  I refresh when I get to work and I turn on my computer.  I refresh when I need a break from writing an email or a presentation.  I refresh.

I love you both so much.  I miss you.  My heart hurts with missing you.  I'm not allowed to write that in a letter that I mail to you at camp, because I want you to be happy.  But years from now if you read this, please know that not a minute goes by when you are away that I am not missing you.

Love,
Mama

Thursday, June 23, 2016

I can barely breathe

Dearest Alex and Avery,

Today is the last day of sixth and second grade.  In two days, for the first time BOTH of you will get on a bus to Pennsylvania for summer camp and leave me with an empty house for the summer.  Alex, while camp is your easy, happy place, at home you continue to work on finding your place among your school friends.  I'm not sure that you have plans for after school on the last day of school, but I am hoping that you find someone (or even better some group) to spend time with and do not come home to sit around by yourself on the last day of school.  Avery, camp is brand new for you and I wonder how you will fall asleep each night without a chapter from a book, a hug and snuggle from your mama. All of it, all of it has me sitting at home feeling sad and saddened (are those different?) and like I can barely breathe.  I just want happiness and lightness and perfection for you both even as I want to keep you young and tiny and keep you all to myself.

Love,
Your mom in conflict and sadness and happiness



Sunday, June 12, 2016

Hypocrisy

Hi Kids,

There have been some horrific mass shootings recently.  None of them are okay.  Hatred is never a good thing and killing for hatred is the worst.

The latest, an attack against the LGBTQ community in Orlando had the founder of Facebook rushing to activate "Safety Check" so that people could let their friends and loved ones know that they were safe.  This attack came only days after a group of Israelis were killed and wounded in a market in Tel Aviv.

Facebook ALWAYS activates this Safety Check feature, EXCEPT when something happens in Israel to Israelis.  I am sickened by this hypocrisy. 

You are so lucky to live in an area of the world where you are safe, however it truly feels like a world in which people will turn on you at any moment. Because you are Jewish.  A world where a Jewish-by-birth founder of Facebook does not offer the same level of safety to all people.

Please embrace the wonderful heritage and culture into which you were born.  And ALWAYS remember to speak up to protect ALL people.

#alllivesmatter #jewishlivesmatter

Love,
Mom