Unbearably fragile and yet absolutely unbreakable

Dear Avery,

I want to get these words just right.  With you I always want everything to be perfect or at least as perfect as possible, because the details, the time and care and attention paid really matter to you.  You appreciate it. 

As I write this on the eve of your fourteenth birthday, I am struck by how you have managed to be fluid in an ever changing world. Some of this is World with a capital W - like we are living in pandemic times and public health policies change, impacting us on the daily.  And then there is world - your everyday world here in Glen Rock or off at camp - and the people that you encounter.  Today I'm going to focus on your world and not make this an account of vaccines and masks and quarantine.

Girl....You'll be a woman soon

Cringe! Of course, don't go off and make me a grandmother anytime soon, but just sharing that your body is doing everything that it's supposed to do at this age.  You also delight in the fact that you are (very slightly) taller than me.  And while your body is strong and healthy, you do also wallow in the fact that you are not stick thin.  When you share this with me, I tread oh so carefully.  I do not want to send you into therapy with an eating disorder and I also want to do everything I can to make sure that you feel confident in your body.  And sometimes recommending eating less sugar can help with that.  Ugh! Avery, I hope that I do not create another screwed up generation of women!!!  I've written this in past birthday letters to you that you are a vocal champion of body positivity (Long Live Lizzo!) except when it comes to your own body.  I get it.  As a woman of a certain height, I too see myself as the "big one" not the "tall one".  You are beautiful even if sometimes things go screwy in your head and you can't see it. 

A collector of people....disparate friendships

At the end of season basketball party this year, Coach Lee gave out awards and one of yours was Most Likely to Make Friends with Someone on the Opposing Team.  Avery this is so true about you.  You are inclusive in the sense that you are always willing to give someone a chance to be your new friend.  What's difficult for me, but absolutely just regular for you, is that you do not afford the same courtesy to a group of people (aka a friend group).  I think you just assume that you will hate something about one of them and you are definitely not a 'go with the flow' kind of gal.  It will serve you well with regards to making stupid teenage mistakes (read: drinking and drugs and sex).  However, it will be a tough road of not having an amoeba like group that always has a semblance of plans and something to do. And oh Avery, do you like having plans and being busy!  The good news is that you have lots of friends, even if they are not part of a cohesive aforementioned friend group.  These girls are special.  They love your spunkiness; they are both drawn to and roll their eyes and laugh at you voicing your opinions with clarity. NB: there are others who despise that you are opinionated.  These are the ones who cause you to come home and cry.  Please know that later in life, you will not need to focus any energy on these types of people. I wish you could brush them off now.

Off the charts EQ and IQ

The saying "wearing your heart on your sleeve" was clearly written just about you my sweet daughter.  You are and always have been intensely loving and intensely angry and intensely sad and intensely happy.  You get the idea.  As you age, you will likely not feel emotion any less, but will learn how to hide it a bit more as it suits you.  Know that you will always have people who you love and trust (me!) to whom you can open up completely.  Also know that one of the benefits of emotional sensitivity is that you are able to read other's emotions as well.  And respond to those emotions with kindness.  I have been on the receiving end of this kindness and Avery, it would have me changing that old adage to "wearing your ENORMOUS heart on your sleeve".  Your love knows no bounds.

While your EQ will help with your success in life (makes you like a mind reader!), your IQ, specifically your academic performance will certainly help you along whatever path you choose.  Lately, I've been thinking about how loudly you voice your opinions, how much you care about, well about a lot of things, and I wonder if I was wrong in assuming that you would end up in a more creative career.  I had always thought graphic design or architecture, but these days, I wouldn't be surprised if one day you came to me to tell me your plans to become an environmental lawyer or something of that sort.

The stats, we all love the stats

Okay, so here we go and in no particular order, from your last birthday until now you:

• Became a bat mitzvah with a pink surgical mask on your face and a smile (I hope) underneath

• Grew at least three inches, topping out over 5'9" we will have to wait for your 14 year old well visit next week to confirm your actual final height

• Even though Broadway was shut down for most of the year, as soon as it reopened you were back!  You've seen three shows (Six!, Come From Away, Funny Girl) and although you don't know it as I type this, you are going to the Tonys in June!!!

• You ran a 5K. You were on both your middle school, town travel and AAU basketball teams.  You were a member of both fall and spring track.  You were your lacrosse team's goalie.

• Re: being a goalie.  You have more bruises and welts on your arms and legs than anyone person should have in a lifetime.  You see them as badges of pride.  When someone at school asked about them, you responded with "I get hit a lot"  And then very quickly followed up with "by a lacrosse ball!" :)

• Remarkably, you have not broken any bones or torn any tendons or ligaments.  But your feet still hurt when you play sports.

• You made new friends and lost some of them.  Some old friends came back into play.

• You got braces. And had to wear them with your glasses, while you were growing and feeling uncomfortable in your body.

• You got to spend the summer at camp.  And had your first kiss while you were there.

• You watched an enormous amount of HBO Max and Netflix and Disney+.  Most of it on your phone.

• You laughed and cried and fought with your family

• You loved and cuddled and played with and bathed Shayna  (so much shrieking during the bath!)

• You were creative and built things out of found objects. You designed and redecorated your room.  You made countless new recipes from watching TikToks.  Some of them were great, some not so much.

Avery, this was one very long letter to tell you that I think you are just incredible.  I am both excited and supremely privileged to have a front row seat to watch all the amazing things that you will accomplish in life.

Happy, happy birthday,

Love,

Mom