When your child turns eighteen, are you even a mommy blogger anymore?

Dear Alex,

You read the title of this blog post right, you are officially eighteen.  An adult.  Although Grandma once told me the secret that one never really feels like an adult, not until they have grandchildren.

In the moment as I write this, I find myself annoyed with you, a fairly common occurrence these days.  I do think that eighteen is the magic number when kids are supposed to separate from their parents and as parents we are ready to let go of you, at least with regards to the day-to-day things for which you cause great annoyance.  I don't know if you are actively trying to annoy me or if I'm differently experiencing the things you have always done.  Nonetheless, grrrr....

And then there are those blindingly bright moments.  The ones where you are a human and an adult and utterly interesting and engaging and so wonderful to hang out with you.  More of those times, please!

The good news is that at eighteen years old, you have grown, you do not need me to control your world, to do many things for you.  It's a change that was supposed to happen and yet I find myself seeking a new role in your life.  I know for sure that you laugh and you smile and you have friendships and relationships.  That your family members (other than me) enjoy these bright spots with you more often than not. (the proof is in these pictures!).

So apparently as you age, these birthday posts just become a therapy journal for me.  Sorry for that.  What I'm really here to do is document you at age eighteen as I see you.  The stats and the specifics of the last year has shown you changing less.  What has always been you remains steadfast and what is new has developed at some point over high school.  But still there are a few things worth writing for posterity:

1. New beginnings, a long time coming - Since your Tribe West teen tour when you were fifteen years old, you have always loved the city of Boulder.  And in just a few short months, Boulder will be your new home.  Sincere congratulations on having made a decision to go to CU Boulder (sko buffs!), not because it was the highest rated school to which you were accepted, not because it was the school that gave you the largest amount of academic merit scholarships, but because it is the school that just feels right.  The one that will ignite your passions for learning both inside and outside of the classroom.  I miss you already <3

2. Confident that you wont be living in our basement - You know how to search for a job, interview well and how to be a competent employee.  You worked (really hard, really long hours!) as a bus and camp counselor this summer at Spring Lake Day Camp.  And then, you got a job and continue to work as a pizza delivery guy at Glen Rock's beloved Francesca's Pizza (Frans!)

3. Alex Schwartz TM - As well as you interview and as competent as you are, you continue to think of your achievements as "no big deal."  There is a time and place for this kind of humility.  It's nice, it makes the masses love you, but it does not get you the promotion or the pick as team captain.  It's a lesson that I need to continue to learn for myself and hope to teach you at a younger age.  It's not enough to be smart and a problem solver and altruistic.  You have to promise me to brand yourself, to be your own public relations manager.  In the end, your success means a better world overall.

4. Continue to seek progress, if perfection seems unattainable - You live with ADD.  I don't know what it's like to be inside your brain.  I do know that the medications that bring you tremendous academic success also have tremendous drawbacks including the inability to eat, sleep and connect with other human beings.  Sometimes it just does not seem worth those massive side effects.  Sometimes the drug-free academic spiral creates enormous stress for our family.  As you reach adulthood, I try more and more to let you navigate what works.  There is no easy answer.  The experts tell me that when you figure out what you love to do, that you will focus without the need for medicine.  I truly, truly hope that day will come soon.

5. Whether it's nature or nurture, you have always been you - You have always been and continue to be funny and kind and musical and mathematical and a problem solver.  You hate having to study foreign language and yet love the quirky sounds of the English language.  You are a soccer (football!) fan, still loyal to the Spurs.  You are the family peace keeper.  You are conflict averse.

6. self-family-community-country-WORLD - You are sooo Gen Z in recognizing that we only have one earth and that each of us has to do our part to preserve the environment.  To this point, in the past year you have committed yourself to eating pescatarian.  The most unhealthy pescatarian I've ever known, eating bright blue Takis and Taco Bell bean burritos and Big Gulps and Gatorade.

All the hokey "flying out of the nest" and "spreading your wings" proverbs and sayings are true.  It's time.  You are ready.  I believe in you.  I believe in your success.  I love how good of a person you are. I crave the return of Alex needing his mama to control things, even if just a little bit.  But I will settle for genuine shared interests.  I will be your hiking or concert buddy, always be your ride-or-die.  I will let you know both my pride and my displeasure.  And I'll be hungrily awaiting any communication you choose to have with me, be it a weekly video call or a response to a text.  I will meet you on your level.

Happy happy eighteenth birthday, Alex.  It only took me writing this for me to forget what was even annoying me.  I love you.  Thank you for not only making me a mom, but allowing me to parent and raise one terrific kid.

Love,

Mom