Baby Alex, all five foot ten and a half inches of him!
Dear Alex,
Soooo big!
I find myself saying "Baby Alex" out loud and in my head a lot more often lately. I think it is because I am in mourning that there is no bit of baby left as you turn 14. 14! Your voice is deeper than all other men in our family including your dad and your grandfathers. Of course, there is an occasional crack in your voice now & then, but it is happening less and less. Your feet are gigantic (12.5 right now) and you are growing inches (currently 5'10"+) with too short pants all the time.
Trust the process
I am writing down the following story, because it concerns you and I want you to remember it and make it a model for your life. Every year starting in fourth grade, you have tried out for the Glen Rock town travel basketball team. You did not make the team in fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade or seventh grade. Four years in a row of being cut, but you still developed your skills, played on other pay-to-play teams over the years and tried out again in eighth grade. And you made it. The people who ultimately make the decisions as to which kids will play were so delighted with your development that they wanted to give you and your dad hugs, they were so filled with pride. When addressing all the travel coaches in a beginning of season meeting and without naming you, they talked about you as a shining example of perseverance - "there is this kid that got cut four years in a row and kept coming back, kids keep trying and learning and we want them to all love basketball!" Honestly, this happened months ago (the season is already over) and still as I type this, I have a full and happy heart.
This has not only been a year of physical growth for you.
This past year, there has been tremendous intellectual and emotional growth as well. Your natural disorganized, hateful of writing things down self continues to be a challenge to your success in school. There has been yelling and screaming in our house. A lot of yelling and screaming. Coming from your parents who either are not naturally disorganized (me) or have figured out how to overcome natural disorganization (dad). You are a smart kid (who excels on tests and fails on homework) who hasn't figured this out yet. You have EVERYTHING at your disposal to help you, but you haven't figured it out. You are privileged (not spoiled) that we can give you access to all tools for success - e.g. things like Mathnasium - to ameliorate this disorganization. Even with access to the best and brightest, you have yet to figure it out. Oh baby Alex, as your mommy I worry about sending you off to high school wondering if you are ready, if there is anything else that I can do to prepare you, wondering if simply having access to a Chromebook and a phone all day (and not having to physically write) will solve your problems, wondering if the educators are correct in saying that this is typical eighth grade boy behavior and that you will figure it out. We are here to help, however ultimately you are the one who has to find a path to academic success. No amount of screaming on our part will fix this.
Emotional intelligence
With all this stress in our household, I have to keep reminding myself that middle school academic success does not correlate with ultimate success in life. Because you will be successful in whatever you choose to do. And I know this without a doubt due to one piece of you that is so inherently you - your emotional intelligence. Each year as I write about you, Baby Alex, on your birthday, I always mention your kindness, your ability to understand when people need kindness from you. This is a gift. It does not mean that you are a saint. It does not mean that you are not a typical fourteen year old boy with regards to friendship. However, you do have a filter and you do find commonalities with people who need your friendship.
So who are your friends at fourteen? You definitely have a crew of kids. And I like them all. For a while there were girls in your "friend-group" (to use your lexicon), but now it seems like just boys and that is just fine because taking your time to grow up is probably the best thing you can do in the long run. Do you curse a lot? OMG, Alex, do you think that we can't hear you and your friends when you are in the basement!??!?!? Holy potty mouth!!!! Are you drinking and smoking and driving cars all illegally at fourteen? Thankfully no to all those questions, and I'll deal with the cursing as long as I can keep this other stuff at bay.
A musician, whether you like it or not
I do not expect you to be a rock star - I mean what mother wants that for her kid anyway with the tattoos and the drugs and the transient lifestyle. But Alex, you are musical. You may not be a performer right now - being a teenager who doesn't have performer friends, you roll with the crowd instead of standing out. However, I do hope that you come back to performing at some point. Sharing music with others is a fuller and more amazing music. I am happy though that you still continue to play guitar and sing. Get ready for the double negative - you can't not sing - if you hear music you have to sing.
Two stories about music that I want you to remember later in life. First, you took Vocal Music as your arts elective for the first half of your eighth grade year and your teacher managed to secure the rights for your class to perform parts of Hamilton! Which should have filled you with such intense joy because you know every note and every word from the show. You know Lin Manuel Miranda's performance. If you close your eyes, you can hear him, you can replicate him perfectly. Instead of joy, you were annoyed. Because your teacher taught to the written music and not the famous performance. And since you have perfect pitch and perfect rhythm, you are an intuitive musician who learns just by hearing. So you did not like this different Hamilton performance. Thought it was substandard. And in your extremely opinionated Alex kind of way you let us know all about it. The other story is that you had a full on tantrum over a science project when you couldn't get vocals to perfectly line up with a background track for a geologic rap that you had recorded. I think it was less than an eighth of a beat off. But of course you could hear it. And it was making you absolutely insane. It should be pointed out that for this project you barely cared about content and indeed as aforementioned, your lack of organization skills meant that ultimately you did not receive a good grade.
You sing when you hear music, you can play any melody on the piano, you can play the guitar with ease. You are a musician, whether you like it or not.
Continue to seek progress and hope that you achieve perfection
So Alex (Baby Alex!), what have we learned this year? That hard work pays off, that you haven't figured out how to succeed in all parts of your life (but you will!), that you are a good friend, that you seem to know when I need to hear "I love you" from you, that you know when I need a hug even if it pains you to hug your (now smaller than you!) mother, that you may choose not to formally perform, but you will always be a musician.
Happy fourteenth birthday, Alex! Even when I'm infuriated by your teenager self, I love you with all of my heart.
Love,
Mom
Soooo big!
I find myself saying "Baby Alex" out loud and in my head a lot more often lately. I think it is because I am in mourning that there is no bit of baby left as you turn 14. 14! Your voice is deeper than all other men in our family including your dad and your grandfathers. Of course, there is an occasional crack in your voice now & then, but it is happening less and less. Your feet are gigantic (12.5 right now) and you are growing inches (currently 5'10"+) with too short pants all the time.
Trust the process
I am writing down the following story, because it concerns you and I want you to remember it and make it a model for your life. Every year starting in fourth grade, you have tried out for the Glen Rock town travel basketball team. You did not make the team in fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade or seventh grade. Four years in a row of being cut, but you still developed your skills, played on other pay-to-play teams over the years and tried out again in eighth grade. And you made it. The people who ultimately make the decisions as to which kids will play were so delighted with your development that they wanted to give you and your dad hugs, they were so filled with pride. When addressing all the travel coaches in a beginning of season meeting and without naming you, they talked about you as a shining example of perseverance - "there is this kid that got cut four years in a row and kept coming back, kids keep trying and learning and we want them to all love basketball!" Honestly, this happened months ago (the season is already over) and still as I type this, I have a full and happy heart.
This has not only been a year of physical growth for you.
This past year, there has been tremendous intellectual and emotional growth as well. Your natural disorganized, hateful of writing things down self continues to be a challenge to your success in school. There has been yelling and screaming in our house. A lot of yelling and screaming. Coming from your parents who either are not naturally disorganized (me) or have figured out how to overcome natural disorganization (dad). You are a smart kid (who excels on tests and fails on homework) who hasn't figured this out yet. You have EVERYTHING at your disposal to help you, but you haven't figured it out. You are privileged (not spoiled) that we can give you access to all tools for success - e.g. things like Mathnasium - to ameliorate this disorganization. Even with access to the best and brightest, you have yet to figure it out. Oh baby Alex, as your mommy I worry about sending you off to high school wondering if you are ready, if there is anything else that I can do to prepare you, wondering if simply having access to a Chromebook and a phone all day (and not having to physically write) will solve your problems, wondering if the educators are correct in saying that this is typical eighth grade boy behavior and that you will figure it out. We are here to help, however ultimately you are the one who has to find a path to academic success. No amount of screaming on our part will fix this.
Emotional intelligence
With all this stress in our household, I have to keep reminding myself that middle school academic success does not correlate with ultimate success in life. Because you will be successful in whatever you choose to do. And I know this without a doubt due to one piece of you that is so inherently you - your emotional intelligence. Each year as I write about you, Baby Alex, on your birthday, I always mention your kindness, your ability to understand when people need kindness from you. This is a gift. It does not mean that you are a saint. It does not mean that you are not a typical fourteen year old boy with regards to friendship. However, you do have a filter and you do find commonalities with people who need your friendship.
So who are your friends at fourteen? You definitely have a crew of kids. And I like them all. For a while there were girls in your "friend-group" (to use your lexicon), but now it seems like just boys and that is just fine because taking your time to grow up is probably the best thing you can do in the long run. Do you curse a lot? OMG, Alex, do you think that we can't hear you and your friends when you are in the basement!??!?!? Holy potty mouth!!!! Are you drinking and smoking and driving cars all illegally at fourteen? Thankfully no to all those questions, and I'll deal with the cursing as long as I can keep this other stuff at bay.
A musician, whether you like it or not
I do not expect you to be a rock star - I mean what mother wants that for her kid anyway with the tattoos and the drugs and the transient lifestyle. But Alex, you are musical. You may not be a performer right now - being a teenager who doesn't have performer friends, you roll with the crowd instead of standing out. However, I do hope that you come back to performing at some point. Sharing music with others is a fuller and more amazing music. I am happy though that you still continue to play guitar and sing. Get ready for the double negative - you can't not sing - if you hear music you have to sing.
Two stories about music that I want you to remember later in life. First, you took Vocal Music as your arts elective for the first half of your eighth grade year and your teacher managed to secure the rights for your class to perform parts of Hamilton! Which should have filled you with such intense joy because you know every note and every word from the show. You know Lin Manuel Miranda's performance. If you close your eyes, you can hear him, you can replicate him perfectly. Instead of joy, you were annoyed. Because your teacher taught to the written music and not the famous performance. And since you have perfect pitch and perfect rhythm, you are an intuitive musician who learns just by hearing. So you did not like this different Hamilton performance. Thought it was substandard. And in your extremely opinionated Alex kind of way you let us know all about it. The other story is that you had a full on tantrum over a science project when you couldn't get vocals to perfectly line up with a background track for a geologic rap that you had recorded. I think it was less than an eighth of a beat off. But of course you could hear it. And it was making you absolutely insane. It should be pointed out that for this project you barely cared about content and indeed as aforementioned, your lack of organization skills meant that ultimately you did not receive a good grade.
You sing when you hear music, you can play any melody on the piano, you can play the guitar with ease. You are a musician, whether you like it or not.
Continue to seek progress and hope that you achieve perfection
So Alex (Baby Alex!), what have we learned this year? That hard work pays off, that you haven't figured out how to succeed in all parts of your life (but you will!), that you are a good friend, that you seem to know when I need to hear "I love you" from you, that you know when I need a hug even if it pains you to hug your (now smaller than you!) mother, that you may choose not to formally perform, but you will always be a musician.
Happy fourteenth birthday, Alex! Even when I'm infuriated by your teenager self, I love you with all of my heart.
Love,
Mom
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