Sledgehammer of sadness, making way for new beginnings

Dearest children,

The sickness that I wrote about in the last post seemed to be only the beginning of other scary, sad and then heart wrenching moments to come in the near future.  I was in a car accident in which I was uninjured (thank goodness), but it was bad enough to shake my confidence.  Then in the worst of all parents' nightmares our friends, Mike and Suzanne have suddenly and tragically lost the live of their son Gavin.  Daddy and I went to the funeral today - I cannot possibly type anything here that would do justice to the emotional low that everyone in that room was feeling.

It's kind of strange right now being surrounded by so much grief that I find has brought on an enormous sense of contemplation.  It's strange because in the middle of all of it, I am still able to be happy, even joyful in the moment with you.  This magnificent spring weather has settled in, which has meant evening walks, playing outside, rosy cheeks and dirty, scraped up knees.  Today, as we returned from the funeral, we arrived just in time to pick up Alex from school and watch him play on the school playground with his friends.  Yes,  Alex, you played with your friends and did not hang around us, but for a moment when Mrs. DiLisio was releasing her charges to parents and grandparents and babysitters and you saw Daddy and I waiting for you, the smile on your face was just priceless.  I would give anything to bottle that expression of love and happiness so that I might carry it with me always, particularly in times of sorrow.

You kids are particularly wonderful and I wont ever forget it.

I fiercely love you,

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