A blindingly bright pinpoint of fabulous among a landscape of meh

Dear Avery

Today you turn twelve years old. You have heard the old adage about the tree falling in the woods and nobody around to hear it. Is the corollary, if someone has a birthday during quarantine and nobody around to celebrate that you don’t turn one year older? Of course, I am just jesting, but I am writing this because it does speak to a description of who you are at this age.  Also, I am apologizing in advance that this post is more likely to cover the past two months of your last year.  Somehow in the midst of quarantine it is difficult to remember your life before the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic.

You are a worrier. About yourself. About others. About the world.  You may wonder why I am beginning this post with something kind of negative.  I realize that it may seem that way, but I see it differently.  You may "worry" that you will not be celebrated, but in fact it is more about you being keenly aware of your surroundings.  You notice and care about the details.  You want the world to treat all people fairly and you want even more for people to treat the world (earth) well. You do not want people (or animals) or yourself to hurt, either physically or emotionally.

You operate at a level ten in a world where most people are fives. Some time during the day on New Years Day we reviewed our resolutions.  You discussed wanting to try to dial back your personality to a seven.  How sad that you live in a world that doesn't know what to do with a ten.  You are opinionated and vocal.  You wear your emotions on your sleeve. They are right at the surface. The extreme happy and the extreme sad. You are dramatic and expressive.  This has made it tough for you to develop deep friendships over the years, particularly as you were a leader who didn't quite know how to lead.  

I didn't know what would happen socially when you started middle school this year.  Let me pause for a moment - ugh! middle school.  But I am happy to say that you seem to have found your people.  I don't know this group that well yet - ugh! quarantine.  But what I do love about them is that you claim that you do not have to watch what you say, watch that you are not too much, you can just be yourself.  What a lovely group of girls.

Speaking of 'ugh! middle school' This is the year where you have tried to be friends with everyone.  You have floated in and out of a bunch of different groups and 'tried them on for size'.  You have called me crying when you have been left out.  You have been elated when you are included.  People who have been your friends for years have moved on.  It hurts.  It is how you learn to be a kinder human.

Wow, growing up is hard. So you have to learn to be a good friend who is the right level of energy.  And you have to do this while still contending with actual physical growth.  At an age where no human being ever has felt comfortable in her body. You are still a little girl wanting to be in a teenager's body.  

Avery, You. Are. Beautiful.  I'm not kidding.  Strangers have always stopped me to tell me that your looks were striking.  You have never believed me.  And whereas when I was growing up there were occasional magazines or TV shows to provide impossible (and photoshop faked) standards of beauty, you are inundated with TikTok and Instagram and YouTube and constant images.  And yet, I wish you could objectively look at yourself.  You can't.  I'm hoping that you will feel as beautiful as you actually are before too long.  Reality, it may take until you are in your twenties.

You are creatively fearless. Avery, if anyone ever asks you for one short phrase to describe who you are, you can say with completely certainty that you are creatively fearless.  That's why the font is larger on this paragraph. Both to apologize to you for burying the lead (darn Corona and quarantine!) and because I can teach you to be a kind human being.  I can work on your emotional health and your multiplication and division skills.  I can even teach you how to craft, as evidenced by the new knitting skills that you have acquired during quarantine. But this fearless creativity is a gift. It is so wonderful to watch you as your brain comes up with a truly original idea.  That. is creativity. It is distinctly different from technical skill. 

And you use it with art. And with cooking.  For years you have been creating tiny rooms out of cardboard including building furniture, wallpaper, paintings.  These continue to get more complicated and decorated. The fearless part comes in your not being precious about hanging on to every little thing you make.  You keep a favorite and recycle the rest.  Same goes for the elaborate face-scapes you create with makeup palettes, some end up on Instagram and others just get washed off without having been recorded.  Trying out new things to cook is a side effect of being stuck inside the past couple of months.  Still a nascent talent for you, you have tried (and succeeded and failed) at such things as scratch made french fries and Dalgona coffee and smoothies and egg recipes and cookies and cakes.

Your stats and interesting facts from the past year. Beyond the creativity.  Living in an upper middle class suburban world.   

• Sports played: GRMS Cross Country, Essex Volleyball clinic, Travel basketball, Travel lacrosse (goalie!) with  the 2020 spring season amount to exactly two practices before quarantine hit.
• Academics:  Great teachers have ignited your mind.  I would now say that you are a scientist or more specifically have a love for biology.  You also are writing with ease and have a greater facility with math.
• Broken body parts: Heels (Severs disease), Metatarsals (Iselins disease), Toes (four stitches in your 'ring' toe sliced open on a baseboard metal heater during quarantine and removed by you with tweezers and tiny scissors)
• Other broken things: eyeglasses and cellphones and computer screens. Also known as, you can be infuriatingly clumsy and careless
• Growth stats: Three inches to 5' 3", one and a half shoe sizes to a 7.5, from glasses only to glasses and contacts
• Broadway musicals seen: You are 12 and have seen 12 Broadway shows.  In the past year, you saw Les Miserables (in London - so West End, not really Broadway), Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, Mean Girls (second time seeing).  You love show tunes.  I mean you really LOVE them.  It's your favorite spotify playlist.  You know most words to most songs.

My lovely sweet Avery.  May this year bring lots of health, happiness, fresh air and camp (!)

Happy Birthday with love, so much love

Mom