glenrockschwartz

She strides forward with confidence. She is all alone, there is no one by her side, but still, she holds her head high. She is tougher than nails.  She has no choice.  She had to evolve.   It is the first day of sophomore year of high school.  I am working from home and I get a panicked call from my baby girl "Mom I can't find any of my friends for lunch!" I immediately drive the half mile to the school to pick her up and take her home for lunch.  On the drive back home we see her friends all walking together going to have lunch at one of their houses. Just a few days later, that same friend calls my baby girl and tells her that ' they ' the collective group don't feel comfortable having her sit with them at lunch.  I have known these kids and their parents since they were in diapers, before they could even walk.  Not one of their parents reached out to me.  Not one of those kids stood up and chose inclusion. So she reinvents.  She cobbles to...

Dear Alex, In just one short month, you will officially be an adult in the eyes of our country.  Old enough to vote, old enough to go to war (but not old enough to drink!) As Jewish parents in modern times, we laugh a bit at the thought of bar mitzvah being the age in which you are considered an adult by the Jewish community.  We can all agree that you are still a child at 13!  But can we also agree as Americans, that turning 18 doesn't automatically make you ready to take on the world without parent involvement? Do you know how to drive and/or navigate public transportation? Check.  How to get dressed, tie your shoes, make a grilled cheese and do your laundry? Check.  All the stuff on this list?  https://grownandflown.com/33-life-skills-college-kids-adult/ Okay, maybe we need to have a conversation about some of these. But does that mean that we can just send them out in the world and no longer worry? To this I would say, absolutely not!  18 year old...

Dear kids Rosh Hashanah starts at sundown this evening and as it is meant to be a time of spiritual renewal, here I am reflecting on my world.  There are phrases like “a world forever changed” that are used after catastrophic events like the assassination of JFK (well before my time) or September 11 attacks (in my prime time as a newly married young adult). And it’s true, we can all talk with extreme clarity about exactly what happened in those moments. Our current world forever changed, the one we are living through, is different. Rather than a point in time and the aftermath, it’s a slow burning, multi year long, new way of life that has changed forever how we act, how we think, how we feel.  (Complete parenthetical side note before I return to gloom and doom. Worlds are forever changed with happy events as well. That moment I said to your dad “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li”, or when I first found out that I was going to be a mama, and sublimely (there may have been some drugs involv...

I am the grandchild of slaves. I have worked for huge corporate entities that want to do good and make sure we all have attended unconscious bias training. LGBTQ speak up in these trainings about all they encountered.  So do people of color. It is horrible what they have to endure in their regular lives. I do not speak up. People do not want to hear from me. If I speak up, the hate crimes against me will only grow. I am the grandchild of slaves.   Slaves who were freed in the 1940s, 70+ years ago, only two generations ago.  In those two generations we have embraced our freedom. We are educated. We have bachelors degrees, MBAs, doctorates and post-doctorates.  We are prosperous. We drive fancy cars and live in fancy houses. We have no reason to be afraid and no reason to complain.  We have been given nothing and achieved everything. I am the grandchild of slaves. I appreciate my freedom every day.  I worry about my freedom being tak...

Hey Alex, I have been co-planning a memorial for Matthew Steinberg.  A boy who you shared a bunk with at camp died tragically in a plane crash with his entire family just over a year ago. You weren't close with him - neither loved nor hated him - not emotionally connected in any way.  And I never even met this boy, although of course I've seen photos of him on the camp website. We are getting the whole bunk of boys together, even those who no longer go to the camp.  Some of the kids are like you Alex, seemingly unaffected, and some of the kids have suffered a great loss of friendship in losing Matthew.  Regardless of strength of relationship, I want to make this memorial meaningful for you and your friends.  Here are the two short speeches I have written and plan to deliver on Sunday. Welcome speech: Today is a day of celebration of Matthew's life.  Not much we say or do today will be sad.  However, all feelings and emotions that you have toda...

Dear Alex You are 13, almost 14. This evening you almost broke things in your room and were having a teenager tantrum while doing homework. When I came up to investigate, you were nearly in tears because you couldn’t get a background track to exactly line up with the vocals that you had recorded for a science rap. I pointed out to you that most human beings would neither notice nor care, given that the grade one would be given would be based on an understanding of the science material. I also pointed out that when it came to homework that you were perhaps the furthest thing from a perfectionist. The fact of the matter is that you cannot fight who you are. You are a musician. #alexisarockstar #perfectrhythmperfectpitch As I continue to live through the frustrating times of your organizational growth, I am happy to have something positive to write. Love, Mom

Dear Kids, I know I should love basketball.  Because you and your dad, you all love basketball.  And I do love watching you play, I do!  But I have to say that March cannot come quickly enough.  With two rec teams and two travel teams and your dad coaching three out of four teams and sometimes between the two of you there will be seven games to be play across the span of 48 hours.  And that is too much. I find it all overwhelming.  I cannot deal with much else like scheduling kid or adult play dates or remembering to be a good friend or mom. Know that I will always support you in whatever it is you choose to do.  And I will revel in this feeling of being overwhelmed knowing that all too soon I will have to fill my life with my own stuff once you go to camp this summer and (gulp!) once you leave for college. Love you lots, Mom PS just for posterity because I have not written it down anywhere else, this is the year that you BOTH made Glen Rock...

Dear Avery, This is everything. Love, Mama

Saturday we went to Bernie Wedeen's party to celebrate him becoming a bar mitzvah.  Katie and Andy are wonderful hosts and we had a fantastic time.  It started out well when I came downstairs from getting ready.  A dress, heels and makeup on my face.   About me.  I never wear makeup.  Not even some natural looking makeup that looks like I'm not wearing makeup.  I just don't wear it.  So when I wear it for fancy events it is very noticeable. So I walk downstairs and the lovely and sweet Avery says, "Wow! You look just like a Snapchat filter!" #hashtaggeneration #GenZsaysfiltersGenXsaysrosecoloredglasses

Dear kids, It's Halloween night and I am listening to you in the other room trading candy. This end of the day is idyllic and happy, but there have been times today where my heart hurt for you, where I just wanted to protect you from the pain of growing up. This specific kind of heart pain always comes from relationships and learning to be social and feeling left out and finding your place. It stinks, but in a way I am also glad for these tiny hurts. In the long run, it will make you decent human beings. I hope that we are done with the bad and that we can settle into a busy, easy, happy time. I am glad that you are exactly who you are. I love you, Mom

Dear Avery, Today I was listening to you talk to one of your friends.  You were talking about a Thanksgiving project on which your class is working.  You said to your Jewish friend (referring to a cornucopia), "You know that Thanksgiving thing that looks like a shofar?" I don't know why, but that one little sentence made me so happy.  It is hard having a Jewish identity when you live in a country where although there is separation of church and state, the majority of people do indeed go to the aforementioned "church".  Somehow by knowing the word "shofar" before you know the word "cornucopia" I have hope that you will be an American (adjective) Jew (noun), rather than a Jewish American. Shanah Tovah to my sweet Aviva Gila. Love, Mama

2. More. Weeks. Five weeks is long enough.  I'm ready for them to come home.  And I can't sleep thinking about it.  And about other things.  Because once they come home: 1. Will I arrange the perfect homecoming?  Will they get the right amount of time with their parents? With their friends?  Alone, because they haven't been alone in seven weeks. 2. Do I need to get them checked for lice and have their laundry done by a professional like the other moms? 3. How will I have enough time to get all their laundry done and everything organized before we leave for Florida? 4. How will I have time to pack for Florida and the cruise for myself and for them while also working and spending time with them? 5. Is it weird if they come home and don't want to hug me and kiss me endlessly? 6. Will they be okay in school this year? 7. Will I do a good job of planning their activities while balancing a need for busy-ness with time for homework and time for...

Dearest Alex and Avery, Today is the last day of sixth and second grade.  In two days, for the first time BOTH of you will get on a bus to Pennsylvania for summer camp and leave me with an empty house for the summer.  Alex, while camp is your easy, happy place, at home you continue to work on finding your place among your school friends.  I'm not sure that you have plans for after school on the last day of school, but I am hoping that you find someone (or even better some group) to spend time with and do not come home to sit around by yourself on the last day of school.  Avery, camp is brand new for you and I wonder how you will fall asleep each night without a chapter from a book, a hug and snuggle from your mama. All of it, all of it has me sitting at home feeling sad and saddened (are those different?) and like I can barely breathe.  I just want happiness and lightness and perfection for you both even as I want to keep you young and tiny and keep you all to...

Hi Kids, There have been some horrific mass shootings recently.  None of them are okay.  Hatred is never a good thing and killing for hatred is the worst. The latest, an attack against the LGBTQ community in Orlando had the founder of Facebook rushing to activate "Safety Check" so that people could let their friends and loved ones know that they were safe.  This attack came only days after a group of Israelis were killed and wounded in a market in Tel Aviv. Facebook ALWAYS activates this Safety Check feature, EXCEPT when something happens in Israel to Israelis.  I am sickened by this hypocrisy.  You are so lucky to live in an area of the world where you are safe, however it truly feels like a world in which people will turn on you at any moment. Because you are Jewish.  A world where a Jewish-by-birth founder of Facebook does not offer the same level of safety to all people. Please embrace the wonderful heritage and culture into which you were bor...

Dear kids, I don't know if it's general downward spiral mentality, but it seems likes when something makes me unhappy be it related to parenting and my children, marriage and my relationship or job and myself, that many other negative events seem to follow in a clump.  I'm in one of those spirals right now and every little thing that can go wrong has gone wrong.   I know that I should be thankful for my health, my family and the fact that I live in relative opulence and comfort, but boy are all these little (but seemingly large) things getting under my skin.  I also know that there will be an upward trend out of this negative place, but that doesn't make me feel any better or give me any direction on how to let all this yucky stuff not bother me. So no advice for you on this one.  Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone when you are feeling this way, that it happens to everyone. Love you (even if I'm annoyed and yelling lately), Mom

Dear kids, It rained today.  It POURED.  I went out to run some errands and got completely soaked - just to let you know HOW hard it was raining today.  You may have heard metaphors of rain as an agent of cleanse.  If you haven't, trust me, it's a thing. In any case, I just wanted to let you know that I worked from home today because you two have a winter break day off from school.  And I felt a sense of calm, a sense that we are cleansed as a family.  We may get angry with each other, feel tired or sad or even overwhelmed at times. As individuals, as a family, we always get past these tough times.  We return to golden times.  We are cleansed. Love you with all my heart, Mom

It has been a weird week.  Alex has been misbehaving at school.  He's misunderstood - I'm not really angry with his behavior, more angry that he doesn't yet know how to work the system and be smart enough to know what people need.  In addition, we've been all sorts of busy with activities and work and life.  And I am just so exhausted by it all.  As sad and tired as I've been feeling, when I stop to reflect I think: If I didn't have these down times in my life, how would I ever appreciate the good?  And there is A LOT of good in this life, I know it.  I am beyond fortunate. And even these down times can't nearly compare to the hardship and sickness that friends and relatives have endured.  Again, beyond fortunate. And even in the bad times, my life is filled with great love. So I can let the exhaustion wash over me.  It's good to appreciate what I have. It's good to be tired and have to stop all the running.

Today is mother's day.  I called my mom this morning to wish her well and in the midst of our conversation, I realized that all that I love about myself as a mother I patterned after what I learned from my own mom.  All that I am not as pleased about, all my crazy, that's all me (and all my mom's crazy, that's all her). Today is mother's day.  I have done three loads of laundry, shopped at two supermarkets, cleaned up from my breakfast in bed and from the spice rub for this afternoon's barbecue that left a mess on the counter.  This is the unsung work of mothers.  We who work full time, but also manage to schedule play dates and orthodontist appointments and to get the camp medical forms in on time.  We who regularly make sure our children are clean and fed and smiling.  And while unsung may sound like under-appreciated and it certainly feels like that in the worst of moments, it's not really that way.  The thank yous may not occur after each an...

Dear Alex, Tomorrow marks the one-week anniversary of your having left for sleep away camp for the very first time.  When you left I didn't cry.  I'm generally stoic like that, so it wasn't so surprising.   I did however walk around for a few days with a funny feeling in my stomach because I didn't know what every minute of every day is like for you at Indian Head. The only way I could even glimpse into knowing was to scour the photo website for smiling pictures of you.  Pictures of you doing fun things.  Pictures of you with other campers with your arms slung around each other because you were the best of friends. Of course, I recognize that this is unrealistic.  Nobody becomes best friends overnight.  It takes time and "bonding" experiences for that to happen.  Intellectualizing didn't help the pit in my stomach.  In fact, it made it worse when I stopped to think about how you might be doing at any given moment.  You, my emotiona...

Dear Alex, For the first time in the ten plus years that you have been a part of my life I have absolutely no idea what you are doing right now, how you are feeling, what it looks like where you are.  That is because today you got onto a bus without looking back and left for your first summer at Indian Head sleep away camp. Since 11 a.m. when the bus left, I have been wandering around in a bit of a fog.  Excedrin took away my stress headache, but there is still this weird feeling in my stomach which I know will stay for the entirety of the summer.  I am hoping that the feeling will ease up a bit once I know that you have made a friend and are happy.  That wont be for a few days; it's just crazy to be feeling like this. For posterity, I want you to know that your sister cried the entire car ride home from the bus.  She was inconsolable - that you didn't hug her goodbye, that you said you weren't going to miss her and probably that she was having intense fee...