glenrockschwartz

Dear Alex, Happy 21st Birthday!  Typing this feels unbelievable as it is inherently American to believe that a person is a true and complete adult when he reaches the age of 21.  (Of course, us mamas like to hold onto the fact that your prefrontal cortex wont fully develop for another four to five years, which means, thankfully, that you will still need us.)  And yet there has been tremendous growth over this past year.  When you turned 20, I was intimately involved in the day-to-day aspects of your life.  It was a privilege to talk to you daily about general nonsense aka "stuff and things".  The reality was that the daily check ins were a necessity to combat my own fears, to make sure I was doing my job as a parent to help you grow into a healthy and content adult.  I am still here, a year later, to catch you if you fall, however you have learned the skills, you have the skills to catch yourself.  So far there hasn't been a stumble, or maybe ther...

  Dear Alex, I was awakened at 5am today, a little bit by the snoring going on right next to me but also because my mind was swirling with what I wanted to convey to you today on your 20th birthday.  You are 20, but today you are also three months old. And that is because three months ago today we got into your car in Boulder and began the journey back to Glen Rock, back to the place where you would do the really hard work of becoming a stronger and more content human being. You did this among the naysayers thinking that taking a break from a linear path in life was for the weak, who believed that using your anxiety to drive you forward was the path to success, when you have realized that it is quite the opposite.  So on your three month birthday, here’s what I want you to know about yourself: 1. You are incredibly strong. Thank you for speaking up for yourself and for doing the hard work 2. You are infinitely interesting. When you speak, people are drawn to you and want ...

Dear Alex, You read the title of this blog post right, you are officially eighteen.  An adult.  Although Grandma once told me the secret that one never really feels like an adult, not until they have grandchildren. In the moment as I write this, I find myself annoyed with you, a fairly common occurrence these days.  I do think that eighteen is the magic number when kids are supposed to separate from their parents and as parents we are ready to let go of you, at least with regards to the day-to-day things for which you cause great annoyance.  I don't know if you are actively trying to annoy me or if I'm differently experiencing the things you have always done.  Nonetheless, grrrr.... And then there are those blindingly bright moments.  The ones where you are a human and an adult and utterly interesting and engaging and so wonderful to hang out with you.  More of those times, please! The good news is that at eighteen years old, you have grown, you do not...

Dear Alex, In just one short month, you will officially be an adult in the eyes of our country.  Old enough to vote, old enough to go to war (but not old enough to drink!) As Jewish parents in modern times, we laugh a bit at the thought of bar mitzvah being the age in which you are considered an adult by the Jewish community.  We can all agree that you are still a child at 13!  But can we also agree as Americans, that turning 18 doesn't automatically make you ready to take on the world without parent involvement? Do you know how to drive and/or navigate public transportation? Check.  How to get dressed, tie your shoes, make a grilled cheese and do your laundry? Check.  All the stuff on this list?  https://grownandflown.com/33-life-skills-college-kids-adult/ Okay, maybe we need to have a conversation about some of these. But does that mean that we can just send them out in the world and no longer worry? To this I would say, absolutely not!  18 year old...

Dear Alex, Yup. You read the title of this post right, you are 17 years old! As always, I write you a letter to share your accomplishments, stressors and life in general over the past year.  This letter, however will be remarkably different because this past year (starting exactly the day you turned 16) is the year that you lived in quarantine due to the Corona virus causing a worldwide pandemic. Beyond just a lining - More like solid silver Okay, so I know it's absolutely horrible that so many people have died, been very sick, lost their jobs, gone hungry, but for me quarantine has provided a precious year with you during which otherwise we would all have been off in different directions.  I have watched movies and Jeopardy and played logic board games and eaten three meals a day every day with you.  I have listened to you sing in the shower and watched you play games on your phone when your camera was off during home school.  I have seen you develop deep friendship...

Dear Alex It is just seven minutes until your birthday as I begin to type this. I have been thinking a lot over the past couple of days about what to write to you, but haven't gotten started and just as I begin to drift off to sleep tonight on the eve of your golden birthday (16 on the 16th!) the thoughts have begun to come together. So here goes: Worldwide Pandemic   The main reason that is has been so hard for me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) this year is that you will always remember your 16th birthday as the year we lived through the need for social distancing due to Corona Virus. And while all other birthday blog posts have focused on you, this one will consider more of your place in the world given the insane times through which we are living.  So in typical 16 year old fashion, you and your friends believe yourselves to be invincible and rail against the need for distance. But we self quarantine not because we fear for our own lives. Rather,...

Dear Alex, Fifteen.  Let's just take a minute to let that sink in.  That's like full on whole separate existence about which your parents have no idea kind of teenager.  Maybe that is why I have been procrastinating writing to you this year, because I'm afraid I'll get it wrong and wont capture the real you for when you go back and read this years from now. So to be clear, this is fifteen as reflected through the eyes of your mom. It is not comprehensive. In any case, there are always themes, clear aspects of your being that remain a part of you for as long as I can remember, however in this last year, there are also some surprises. T his kid! This kid who has reached a point in his life where he makes it all look so easy. Who is gracious about his success, even self deprecating.  You have achieved, but refuse any compliment claiming that it’s not a big deal. But it is. And if nowhere else, I will celebrate you here.  You are a kind and empathetic  ...

Hey Alex, I have been co-planning a memorial for Matthew Steinberg.  A boy who you shared a bunk with at camp died tragically in a plane crash with his entire family just over a year ago. You weren't close with him - neither loved nor hated him - not emotionally connected in any way.  And I never even met this boy, although of course I've seen photos of him on the camp website. We are getting the whole bunk of boys together, even those who no longer go to the camp.  Some of the kids are like you Alex, seemingly unaffected, and some of the kids have suffered a great loss of friendship in losing Matthew.  Regardless of strength of relationship, I want to make this memorial meaningful for you and your friends.  Here are the two short speeches I have written and plan to deliver on Sunday. Welcome speech: Today is a day of celebration of Matthew's life.  Not much we say or do today will be sad.  However, all feelings and emotions that you have toda...

Dear Alex, Soooo big! I find myself saying "Baby Alex" out loud and in my head a lot more often lately.  I think it is because I am in mourning that there is no bit of baby left as you turn 14.  14!  Your voice is deeper than all other men in our family including your dad and your grandfathers.  Of course, there is an occasional crack in your voice now & then, but it is happening less and less.  Your feet are gigantic (12.5 right now) and you are growing inches (currently 5'10"+) with too short pants all the time. Trust the process I am writing down the following story, because it concerns you and I want you to remember it and make it a model for your life.  Every year starting in fourth grade, you have tried out for the Glen Rock town travel basketball team.  You did not make the team in fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade or seventh grade.  Four years in a row of being cut, but you still developed your skills, played on other p...

Dear Alex You are 13, almost 14. This evening you almost broke things in your room and were having a teenager tantrum while doing homework. When I came up to investigate, you were nearly in tears because you couldn’t get a background track to exactly line up with the vocals that you had recorded for a science rap. I pointed out to you that most human beings would neither notice nor care, given that the grade one would be given would be based on an understanding of the science material. I also pointed out that when it came to homework that you were perhaps the furthest thing from a perfectionist. The fact of the matter is that you cannot fight who you are. You are a musician. #alexisarockstar #perfectrhythmperfectpitch As I continue to live through the frustrating times of your organizational growth, I am happy to have something positive to write. Love, Mom

Dear Kids, I know I should love basketball.  Because you and your dad, you all love basketball.  And I do love watching you play, I do!  But I have to say that March cannot come quickly enough.  With two rec teams and two travel teams and your dad coaching three out of four teams and sometimes between the two of you there will be seven games to be play across the span of 48 hours.  And that is too much. I find it all overwhelming.  I cannot deal with much else like scheduling kid or adult play dates or remembering to be a good friend or mom. Know that I will always support you in whatever it is you choose to do.  And I will revel in this feeling of being overwhelmed knowing that all too soon I will have to fill my life with my own stuff once you go to camp this summer and (gulp!) once you leave for college. Love you lots, Mom PS just for posterity because I have not written it down anywhere else, this is the year that you BOTH made Glen Rock...

Dear Alex, I’m feeling a bit emotional writing you a “welcome to camp” note for this summer.  I think it’s because I am 100% sure that you don’t need one from me to reassure you that you will have an epic summer.  And also, because a tiny part of me worries that beyond not needing reassurance, you may not WANT to read any mushy declarations of love and encouragement from your mom (the horror!).  This is of course exactly what should be happening as you fully enter teenager phase. But here it is anyway.  Welcome to camp – you are going to have another epic summer!  I’m sure of it.  Enjoy the friendships you already have.  Be open to new ones.  You never know with whom you might actually have lots in common.  Befriend a cute & smart girl.  Ask her to Bash/Bistro. Take the time to work on the stuff you want to master (like basketball and lacrosse and guitar) when nobody is watching.  Also take the time to do absolutely...

Shabbat Shalom.  Thank you all for sharing with us today as we watched Alex become a bar mitzvah.  The thing that I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of parents talk about is how proud they are of their bar mitzvah child.  I wrote this speech before today and in advance I could already write, yes, I am so proud of this kid.  That is because I had all the behind the scenes understanding of what it takes to become a bar mitzvah in 2017.  It’s a lot.  It is way more than what he made look effortless today.  A little more than 75 years ago all you did was pop by the shul with a spongecake that your mom made, said a blessing and then went on to school.  That’s exactly how my grandfather - Alex’s great-grandfather - became a bar mitzvah.  As an aside, while my grandpa wasn’t feeling well enough to make the trip out from L.A. today, he got to see Alex read his Torah readings and haftarah on Skype and shared these feelings of pride.   Okay, so let me ...

Dear Alex and Avery, It's hard to find the silver lining in our household tonight because your dad is REALLY angry with Alex for both not doing/handing in a bunch of homework assignments and for lying to us about it. But even with all the tears this evening, I managed to find a tiny bright spot that I will hold with me forever. Following is a conversation that I overheard between Eric and Avery.  Eric was yelling so loudly at Alex that Avery became scared and began to cry. I had escaped to my bedroom because while I support Eric in parenting to help Alex succeed in life, I too find Eric's loud screaming ways to be disconcerting.  Heightened with emotion, Eric happened upon Avery crying and said (still loudly and still passionately), "You should save your tears for something important!" Avery through her tears, but not afraid to stand up to her father, said "Alex IS important and you may not think so, but I do and I love him!" May you two always sha...

Dear Alex, Today you turn thirteen.  Thirteen!!!!  How and when did you become an official teenager!?!?!?  I know it's cliche, but it really does go by quickly...the days are long, the years are short, and all that. As has become tradition when you have completed another year of life, I like to take some time to reflect on your personality, your accomplishments and yes, even your struggles over the past year. In the truest notion of becoming a bar mitzvah, you seem more like a man than ever At some point you stop changing so quickly.  When you were a baby we would see changes weekly, but now a whole year has gone by and your personality, your quirks are still Alex with all that is wonderful and all your imperfections (and I wouldn't have it any other way).  I think what has changed this year is how I react to you.  I will always be your mother and I will always "parent" you and raise you to be a decent human being.  However in the past year, it ...