Golden Boy

Dear Alex

It is just seven minutes until your birthday as I begin to type this. I have been thinking a lot over the past couple of days about what to write to you, but haven't gotten started and just as I begin to drift off to sleep tonight on the eve of your golden birthday (16 on the 16th!) the thoughts have begun to come together. So here goes:

Worldwide Pandemic 

The main reason that is has been so hard for me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) this year is that you will always remember your 16th birthday as the year we lived through the need for social distancing due to Corona Virus. And while all other birthday blog posts have focused on you, this one will consider more of your place in the world given the insane times through which we are living. 

So in typical 16 year old fashion, you and your friends believe yourselves to be invincible and rail against the need for distance. But we self quarantine not because we fear for our own lives. Rather, this distance is no different than getting a measles vaccine-it’s to protect those would wouldn’t survive this virus. So quarantine equals vaccine, until a vaccine becomes available. 

I’m thinking that social distance will be a very good thing tomorrow if you get behind the wheel of my car for the first time ever (albeit in a parking lot). Forget warning people to stay off of the roads, perhaps we need to warn them to stay off the sidewalks as well. ;)

The rundown of personal, professional and whether you swing right or left

Look up Rudolph Valentino. He was an actor from the 1920s who’s nickname was the Great Lover. Women swooned over him. What is the possible context and connection here? Only that you always seem to have a girlfriend, are breaking up with a girlfriend or getting a new girlfriend. You had your heart broken this fall. It was hard to watch you deal with sadness and wonderful to watch you come out the other side, stronger, more resilient and more confident. And then just this winter before I could even get to know a girl, poof she went from being your girlfriend back to your friend and you are seemingly fine. I have my suspicions that there is already another one, but I know I will have to wait until you are ready to talk. 

You dad would say that I am too over involved in wanting to know the details of your personal life. However, I stand by my position that emotional health is more strongly correlated to overall success and happiness in life than any other factor.

And also, the “professional” (I.e. academic) part of your life, well you pretty much have that under control without too much of my input so I have to offer parental value somewhere, right?

It’s true. Your grades in your honors classes are all honor roll level. You do however need pushing and prodding to do the extras-clubs and organizations that will make you stand out to a college admissions board. We hired a college advisor to help with that, but still have to fight you and have the door slammed in our faces when we really try to get you to take action. I know, totally normal behavior between a teenage boy and his parents, but boy do I hate it anyway. 

At least we don’t have to worry about volunteering and philanthropy. One great thing that came from one of the aforementioned girlfriends is your connection to an organization called Top Soccer (and subsequently another organization called Bounce Out The Stigma). These organizations help kids with special needs learn how to play soccer/basketball. And you never complain about getting up early on a weekend to go, you love taking a leadership role and connecting with these kids. Happy sigh and serious proud mom moment. You have always been a kind human being. Whenever you see someone in need (your currently unemployed housewife and completely bored and lonely mother included - you always ask how my day was when you get home from school and I am starving for conversation), your natural response is just to offer up kindness. This is how you do Tikkun olam. Your approach to repairing the world. 

Let’s circle back for a minute to the college advisor. We had a meeting with her recently and she was showing you a software program they use to help kids research different universities. She asked you to type in any school in the search box. Apparently this is what she does to garner what is floating around in a kid’s mind. Without hesitation, you typed in University of Vermont. I have no idea if you will go there or not, but what I love about this is this choice says so much about who you are:

• Libertarian, slightly anarchist. Definitely not liberal democrat and definitely not your typical conservative republican. The essay that you wrote to be accepted in AP English next year was your viewpoint on a two-state solution for Israel and Palestine. When you read these years from now, will you remember the stance you took? (Am Yisrael Chai!)
• Completely black and white on certain matters. You HATE the hot weather. You would NEVER live in a place where it is perpetually above 70 degrees 
• A social being who is not a complete animal house dude. You like a good party with friends (aye social distance!) but not everyone in town. 
• Writing this one so you can remember yourself at 16 and not because I believe that this is your absolute path. You have identified interest in becoming a civil engineer. You have a really strong math brain (you are also a really good writer, just keep you away from foreign language and you’re all good). You also really love the architecture of sports stadiums - soccer stadiums in particular 

Some last bits and bobs to get out before I wish you an official happy birthday 

• Re the soccer obsession: Your team is Tottenham Hotspurs. Aka the Spurs. You will set your alarm for early in weekend mornings to watch these games live as they are a British premier league team. 
• Re on mild anarchy and on being really black & white and on finding the one interesting person at a cocktail party so you don’t have to make small talk and on being a serial monogamist, mathlete writer: You. Are. Me. It’s eerie and I (not so) secretly love it. 
• Re on not writing anything about music or sports this year: Okay, just one quick paragraph.  This year, I would say that you are musical, but not a musician.  It's your choice and it pains me a little because it's one of those natural talents that you are choosing not to use.  Hopefully one day you will come back to it.  This year, on your JV basketball team, you are finding that sometimes hard work doesn't beat talent. You haven't gotten nearly as much play time as last year and that can be frustrating.  You continue to persevere though.  At your end of season meeting with coaches, when asked what you can do to get better, the answer was practice (of course) and eat a lot to put on weight and muscle (6'3" 152lbs!).  Oh yeah and golf this spring (if the school is ever back in session) which was your trick to avoid the off season basketball weight training and something which you actually seem to be enjoying.

So that’s it. The year that you seem even more man than child. Where you grow your hair long and you shave and you have love and heartache, success and failure. Happy happy birthday Alex. I love you. Three words that I say to you every day. But hear my voice as you read this because I really mean it. I love you. 

Love,

Mom