glenrockschwartz

Dear Avery, The day before your 16th birthday you woke up and told me your dream.  You dreamed that you were at camp and you and I had walkie-talkies and you kept letting me know everything that you had forgotten to pack. We will come back to what that means and the bond between us, but first let me reflect more broadly on your growth over the past year. I would not find myself being honest if I did not first write about how many times the universe has pushed you down over the past year.  Mainly social of course and I don't want to focus on the specifics (aka not being invited, loss of friend groups, stress with camp friends and boys asking and then rescinding dance invites), what I want to write about is your response to these events.  You are so resilient, it actually blows my mind.  I'm not saying that you are a robot who is completely unaffected; rather you have a well deserved cry, some rotting in bed scrolling Tik-Tok on your phone, and then you dry your tears,...

Sometimes when I'm sitting around thinking about my kids, I call them by their Hebrew names - Elazar and Aviva - in my head.  It's 2024 and I feel like we are completely secular at this point; "two day a year" Jews. Even though my kids learned to read Torah and haftarah (or memorized phonetically), even though we light candles when we remember and buy challah on the regular.  Even though we are sustaining members of our synagogue and whenever they ask I will read Torah or haftarah or whatever is needed.  Even though my heart aches for Ha'Aretz. My heart. Aches. For Ha'Aretz. I would resent the people in my life who do not align with my way of thinking, but who is to say that their way of thinking and living is wrong?  So what I find myself resenting at times are the choices that I have made

  Dear Alex, I was awakened at 5am today, a little bit by the snoring going on right next to me but also because my mind was swirling with what I wanted to convey to you today on your 20th birthday.  You are 20, but today you are also three months old. And that is because three months ago today we got into your car in Boulder and began the journey back to Glen Rock, back to the place where you would do the really hard work of becoming a stronger and more content human being. You did this among the naysayers thinking that taking a break from a linear path in life was for the weak, who believed that using your anxiety to drive you forward was the path to success, when you have realized that it is quite the opposite.  So on your three month birthday, here’s what I want you to know about yourself: 1. You are incredibly strong. Thank you for speaking up for yourself and for doing the hard work 2. You are infinitely interesting. When you speak, people are drawn to you and want ...

Dear Avery, You read the title of this post and I bet you are singing it in your head now :) Happy 15th birthday! I have spent probably longer writing this post because I'm finding it so difficult to encapsulate the past year that has been filled with so much change for you.   Friends and Friend Groups and Parties I find myself first wanting to start with friendship.  You live your life in technicolor (i.e. you are emotional) so this is the area where you have always and continue to experience the most highs and lows.  I saw this TikTok clip today in which a professor was talking about how he is changing his way of teaching from his generally more laid back style to more structured as a direct result of his students having spent the majority of their high school years in quarantine and thus lacking skills to achieve in an unstructured environment.  It had me thinking about how quarantine will impact you long term (NB: can you believe that we are STILL talking ab...

Dear Avery, I want to get these words just right.  With you I always want everything to be perfect or at least as perfect as possible, because the details, the time and care and attention paid really matter to you.  You appreciate it.  As I write this on the eve of your fourteenth birthday, I am struck by how you have managed to be fluid in an ever changing world. Some of this is World with a capital W - like we are living in pandemic times and public health policies change, impacting us on the daily.  And then there is world - your everyday world here in Glen Rock or off at camp - and the people that you encounter.  Today I'm going to focus on your world and not make this an account of vaccines and masks and quarantine. Girl....You'll be a woman soon Cringe! Of course, don't go off and make me a grandmother anytime soon, but just sharing that your body is doing everything that it's supposed to do at this age.  You also delight in the fact that you are (ver...

Dear Alex, You read the title of this blog post right, you are officially eighteen.  An adult.  Although Grandma once told me the secret that one never really feels like an adult, not until they have grandchildren. In the moment as I write this, I find myself annoyed with you, a fairly common occurrence these days.  I do think that eighteen is the magic number when kids are supposed to separate from their parents and as parents we are ready to let go of you, at least with regards to the day-to-day things for which you cause great annoyance.  I don't know if you are actively trying to annoy me or if I'm differently experiencing the things you have always done.  Nonetheless, grrrr.... And then there are those blindingly bright moments.  The ones where you are a human and an adult and utterly interesting and engaging and so wonderful to hang out with you.  More of those times, please! The good news is that at eighteen years old, you have grown, you do not...