Sweet.

Dear Avery,

The day before your 16th birthday you woke up and told me your dream.  You dreamed that you were at camp and you and I had walkie-talkies and you kept letting me know everything that you had forgotten to pack. We will come back to what that means and the bond between us, but first let me reflect more broadly on your growth over the past year.

I would not find myself being honest if I did not first write about how many times the universe has pushed you down over the past year.  Mainly social of course and I don't want to focus on the specifics (aka not being invited, loss of friend groups, stress with camp friends and boys asking and then rescinding dance invites), what I want to write about is your response to these events.  You are so resilient, it actually blows my mind.  I'm not saying that you are a robot who is completely unaffected; rather you have a well deserved cry, some rotting in bed scrolling Tik-Tok on your phone, and then you dry your tears, rise up and come back better and stronger than ever.

Two aspects of this resilience and being pushed down as they relate to me (sorry, I know this a birthday post about you, but you should know what goes on in my mind, the context will help).  Firstly, I used to wonder what was wrong with YOU, that these social stabbings seem to come more in your direction than I could see happening to other teens.  Like what was it that you needed to fix about yourself.  What I have come to realize is that your having a strong point of view and being vocal and confident is NOT a character flaw.  And you should NEVER apologize or try to change this.  And you should also recognize that the reason behind dichotomy that adults - and frankly also teens individually - love you, but friendship groups don't know what to do with you.

The other aspect of your resilience has me turning back to the dream you shared with me. Because we do have imaginary walkie-talkies.  You can always talk to me and give me the hurt so you don't have to shoulder it on your own.  And also know that I will hate those boys and girls who have wronged you, will put a hex on them and will still hate them when you are grown and married and have babies and return to your high school reunions.  I wish you didn't have to feel the hurt to show how close we are, but I am so so glad that you and I have the strongest bond. We are connected.  And I will forever fiercely love and protect you.

I wasn't sure where to put this anecdote in the arc of the story of modern teen existence, but this seems like as good a point as any.  You need to remember that kids have been taught to glamorize their social lives, to curate to an Instagram and Tik-Tok happy group existence. But often it's a farce.  Just recently we saw one of your camp boys at Woodbury Commons.  You called out to him, but he ducked away, almost like he didn't hear you.  When we stepped outside the store we saw him in the distance with his brother and his parents, but we didn't go chase them down.  In our car, on the way home he sends you a message "Hey, were you calling out to me? I was in a rush because I have 'social dinner plans with my friends' and needed to catch up with them".  You and I laughed because we knew his "friends" were his parents and his "dinner plans" were likely going to the Parm that they have at Woodbury Commons. All this to say, that the truth often hurts way less than what we all think the truth is.  A good thing to remember both in how we portray our lives as well as being on the receiving end.

Regardless, you are not a part of a larger group of friends.  And social media does seem like the truth and it can hurt. So has this been a year of total loneliness and sadness for you? Of course not. Your individual friendships have grown and deepened.  You continue to smile and laugh and plan and advise and ask for advice.  Often it's from behind a phone screen and not in person.  I guess that's the new way of being apart but together.  Your best friend is an (wonderful, kind, smart) introvert, so you don't spend so much in person time with her either, but when you do, you come home glowing and happy.

Avery, you are a queen.  And while it may be true that 'lonely is the head that wears the crown', you literally walk into parties and dances and school everyday with your crown straight and your head held high and are the most stunningly gorgeous and strong creature that this earth has ever produced.

Okay, enough with the therapy talk.  Let's get to the stats and all that we did to celebrate you turning a sweet 16:

• You have topped out just over 5'11".  You like being nearly three inches taller than me.
• You are a high honor roll, National Honor Society, volunteering maniac who is currently singularly focused on getting herself admitted to the University of Florida.  You are driven.  You have poise (see paragraph above about being a true queen).
• You continue to play volleyball and basketball.  You dropped lacrosse and added spring track into the mix.  You throw discus and shot put and javelin. You are a three season varsity athlete as a sophomore.
• You really really love volleyball.  It's also the sport that frustrates you the most because you feel so passionate about it.  You have friends from Glen Rock volleyball as well as Essex club volleyball.  Any day that you get to play volleyball is a good day.

• 
  You love having a constantly busy life, but also wish that you had more time for all-inclusive tropical vacations. And any day that has a high UV when you can go outside and warm your skin to a gorgeous golden brown is also a good day.
• You always make time, no matter how busy you are, to snuggle and play with Shayna.
• You still love Broadway shows, but it is no longer a defining part of your personality.
• You like to shop.  Your dad calls you a shark because you are constantly consuming.
• Your relationship with Alex is stronger than ever and no longer a push by your mom and dad for the two of you to hang out.  If you see me misting up a little bit, please know that these are tears of joy.
• You didn't have a sweet sixteen party, but you did see Taylor Swift at Met Life Stadium and had floor seats to Olivia Rodrigo at the Belle Centre in Montreal and had a party in our basement with 40+ kids and did a spa day with me and Grandma and went shopping for significant pieces of jewelry with both Grandma and Grammy and are going to the River Palm for sushi and steak and Auntie Dawn sent vintage Gucci jewelry and other gifts, and so yeah, I hope that you feel celebrated.

A whole bunch of photos to visually help you remember all that I wrote above.  Happy sweetest sixteen, my sweet Avery.  I hope this upcoming year is memorable and real and has more smiling than sad days.

All my love. Always. 

Love, Mom