Beshert

I was reading one of my favorite blogs this evening and was saddened to discover that the writer had bared her soul and shared with the world that she and her husband had just separated.  Here is a woman that I have never met, yet I am invested in her daily life and believed that I understood the inner-workings of her family.  


I do hope that she is able to work it out, but in a somewhat narcissistic way, reading that post had me being introspective about my own relationship.  I thought about how I could best express how I feel about Eric, the love of my life.  Because even on my darkest and crankiest of days, I simply love Eric.  The idea of being apart from him never crosses my mind.  I miss him when we are apart even for one evening.  I am lucky, I am blessed and I do not take the joy I get from this relationship for granted.  Eric is truly my beshert.


Beshert is a Yiddish word for one's soulmate.  I was reading an article by Emuna Braverman, a clincial psychologist and marriage & family therapist who writes for aish.com and would like to republish her words here, as a love letter and as an affirmation that Eric is worth every second of effort necessary: 

“How will I know he’s my beshert, my soul mate?” one of my students asked me the other day.

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied. “Make a commitment to him, put in all the hard work and effort necessary and he’ll become your beshert.”

When two people build a life together, when they start with a foundation of shared values and good character, and if their commitment is strong, they will create a healthy marriage.

Beshert is what you get after years of struggle and joy, years of pain and celebration, years of effort and laughter.

With all the hard work, with constant giving to their spouse, they will create an irrevocable bond. Through their family activities and community involvement they will deepen their unity. Their sense of intimacy and connection will only grow over time.

Beshert is what you get after you pay your dues.Beshert is what you get when you put someone else’s needs before your own. Beshert is what you get when you keep pushing forward no matter how rough the road. Beshert is what you get after years of struggle and joy, years of pain and celebration, years of effort and laughter.

There is a slightly mystical aspect to beshert – it's what you get when you’re not looking for it, when you’re not fooled by illusory externals and pseudo-spirituality.

Beshert is what you get after using your time to be loving and caring, after creating a true marital unit out of two individuals.